Be With You
by Lu11
Summary: Cause all I wanna be is the minute that you hold me in...   Finn & Rachel, past/present/future
1. Chapter 1  October 2013

October 17, 2013

Rachel was lying in bed, staring at the clock resting on her bedside table - 11:57pm and she was beyond exhausted. Between her full schedule of classes, her part-time job at the sports club and spending every spare second in the theater getting ready for the Halloween performances of Wicked that her school was putting on over the next couple weeks, every inch of her mind and body felt ripped apart.

She moaned softly as she stretched out in her bed. Yawning, she turned on her side as the clock advanced a minute. She had closed the sports club at 10:30, raced home to take a shower and get settled into bed before Finn called to say goodnight. It seemed odd to her that it was almost midnight and she hadn't heard from him yet. She had texted him when she had gotten out of the shower to let him know she was ready whenever and nearly an hour later she was still waiting. She reached over and checked her phone for the fifth time to make sure that it wasn't on silent or that she hadn't somehow missed a text or a call from her boyfriend.

She yawned again, trying to recount a moment when her eyelids had ever felt as heavy as they did at that moment. She was positive that if she wasn't fighting off sleep with every ounce of energy she had left so she could talk to Finn, she would've been asleep long ago. She let out a large sigh, feeling her bangs float off her forehead. Frustrated, she sat up in her bed and glanced at the clock again. Midnight.

She raked her mind to think if she was missing something. Did Finn mention a party he was planning on attending? She knew his football team wasn't on the road this weekend and he didn't have a game until Monday… maybe practice had run late? Did he simply forget to call her? She shook her head with a little laugh… he called her every night… that couldn't be it.

Scooting toward the edge of her bed and pushing herself off her bed, she shivered when her feet hit the cool wooden floor. She tiptoed over to her window, opened the glass pane, followed by the screen and stuck her head out the window. It had rained for the past three days and even though it had finally stopped around dinnertime, the air was still dank and held the smell of moisture. Sighing, she took a minute to take in her surroundings.

To say that things hadn't turned out the way she thought they would… well that would be an understatement. She always imagined that when she was a sophomore in college, she would be in New York… living it up at NYU or at Julliard. She assumed that when she would look out her window, she would see Central Park or the lights of Broadway or maybe even the Empire State Building in the distance. She thought for sure by this point in her life, she'd be on her way to making it in the big city, and her name would be in lights… and she for sure thought she'd have her boyfriend there next to her to celebrate each milestone in her young and promising career.

The truth of the matter is she didn't even get into the schools of her dreams. After her initial shock and heartbreak, she pushed herself to move on. Rachel Berry was not a quitter. She was lucky enough to get into Berklee in Boston – at least she would be on the same coast as Broadway and she could at least study performing and music. That had to be a good enough start...

So instead of staring Lady Liberty in the face, she was faced with the Prudential Center and a spattering of bars and dive pizza places. And instead of playing small parts or even working backstage on Broadway, she was making minimum wage working the desk and wiping down the machines of the school gym. It's not that she didn't like Boston – she actually liked it a lot. She loved the old buildings and learning the history and culture of the old city. She surprisingly found a love for baseball, for the Red Sox, and loved hanging around Fenway with her small group of friends.

She was shocked that she made friends so easily when she got to school. No help from on campus housing – she had the WORST roommate her freshman year in the WORST dorm. She begged her daddies all year to let her move off campus and finally they caved and allowed her to get a two bedroom apartment off campus for her sophomore year - with the condition that she had a roommate that they approved of. She had to beg and plead, but Kurt finally agreed to relinquish his sweet, on-campus apartment down the street at Northeastern for a much smaller, much less lavish and much more expensive Back Bay apartment. Some would never have imagined that the two of them would be able to co-exist in the same city, let alone the same apartment but they actually had a blast living together and taking Boston by storm.

Her experiences at Berklee had humbled her. She still believed that she was a star and that she was destined for big things… but she had her eyes opened wide when school started and she realized just how many truly talented people there were out there. She hadn't been lucky enough to land a lead role in any productions at school yet but surprising to everyone, especially her, she was content just being involved in any way. She played small bit parts and helped out behind the scenes building sets, helping with advertising, anything she could do to get involved. She was just focusing on soaking up everything in classes and rehearsals and workshops… every little lesson and experience would help her pay her dues and eventually, her time to be a star would come.

The hardest part was that Finn wasn't with her. He was in Ohio still, playing football and attending school with Puck and Sam. He had gotten in to a few colleges on the east coast but he had received a full athletic scholarship at Ohio State… it was an opportunity that Rachel couldn't deny him of…

It had been one of the hardest things to say good bye to him and go to school in a completely different state. The first few months of freshman year had been the hardest. They got by though, counting down the days between holiday breaks and long weekends when they would take turns visiting each other. And they survived with nightly phone calls…

They never missed a single night call – not even when Finn was traveling with the football team or Rachel was studying endlessly for exams – so the fact that Finn hadn't called Rachel yet was weighing heavy on her. She took in a deep breath of cool October air and closed the screen, leaving the window open and letting the wind sweep into her bedroom. She shivered, realizing her hair was still wet and she was dressed a little seasonally inappropriate in short shorts and a tank top. She scurried over to her bed, tossing herself onto the mattress and burying herself under her blankets.

A shiver overtook her tiny body as she reached for her phone. It was 12:21 and she was on the brink of sleep – she had to reach Finn before she gave in to her exhaustion…

She shivered again as she unlocked her phone and dialed Finn. She pulled her phone away from her ear in shock and gasped a little when it went directly to his voicemail. She clicked her phone off and tapped it against her chin once as she wondered what was up with him. Rachel let out a yawn as she dialed Finn again… and once again, reached his voicemail. Groaning, she threw her phone down on the mattress next to her as she closed her eyes…

…she caught herself falling asleep and forced her eyelids to flutter open. She sat up in the dark and felt around until she found her phone. Tossing it back and forth between her hands, she wrestled with feeling sad, mad and worried that she hadn't heard from her boyfriend. Crossing her legs under her and running a hand through her slightly damp waves of hair, she turned on her phone with her other hand and constructed a text to Finn.

"Hey baby… I tried to call you but got your voicemail. Hope everything is okay. I am going to sleep… missed hearing your voice tonight. I love you."

She lay back onto her pillows and placed her phone on her chest so that if Finn did call or text, the noise and vibration would surely wake her up. Pulling her blankets up to her neck and yawning, she allowed her heavy eye lids to close and shortly after, she finally gave into sleep.

* * *

><p>"Rachel...Rachel…"<p>

In a sleepy haze, Rachel could swear she heard Finn whispering her name. It reminded her of the times senior year of high school when she would sneak Finn into her house and up to her room for after hour make out sessions and cuddle fests. Careful not to wake her dads, Finn and her would whisper entire conversations for hours…

"Rachel."

This time Finn's voice was a little louder. Her heartbeat started beating a little faster as she lazily felt around to find her phone. Had Finn finally called and had she fallen asleep during their conversation? That happened a couple times during really late night conversations or when neither of them wanted to say goodnight sometimes Finn would stay on the phone until he knew Rachel had fallen asleep.

"Rachel…"

This time Finn's voice seemed closer and if she wasn't sure that it was impossible, she could swear his familiar fingertips brushed a ringlet of hair off her cheek. Either she was having a very vivid dream or the October winds this evening were stronger than she realized.

"Rachel…"

Rachel moaned a little and stirred under her blankets, opening her eyes slightly and closing them again. She felt her mattress shift slightly and she was certain someone was sitting on the edge of her bed. In her half awake/half asleep state, she figured Kurt had gotten home from a party and wanted to gush about his night. She figured if she just fell back asleep, he'd get the hint and give up until morning.

"Rachel, baby… wake up."

When did Kurt's voice become so much like Finn's? And why is he calling her baby? She opened her eyes for a second and in the moonlight, she could've sworn Kurt's normally petite frame was morphed into a much larger, 6 foot plus size version. The shadow of his figure revealed that his normally super styled coif was instead a messy, shaggy bed head kind of style that reminded her of Finn.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty."

Okay, she was definitely hallucinating or dream because that was definitely Finn's voice. Rachel rubbed her eyes and squinted in the dark.

"Finn?" She whispered in uncertainty.

"Yeah baby, I'm here. " Finn stood from his spot on the edge of her mattress and reached over to flip on the lamp on Rachel's bedside table. He leaned down and kissed Rachel's forehead, caressing her cheek gently.

"Ww..what's going on? Am I awake? Why… how'd you get here?" Rachel croaked out, shaking the sleep out of her head and sitting up slowly, still in a state of sleepy surprise.

"Well…" Finn began, pausing to take Rachel's hand in his and planting a kiss to the palm of it. "I got some good news today and I had couldn't wait to tell you but I wanted to tell you in person so I took the first flight after my afternoon classes to get here and good ole Kurt stayed up to let me in."

Rachel glanced at her clock and saw that it was after 3am. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "What? I'm so confused right now."

Finn laughed a little and ran his free hand through Rachel's wild mane of hair. "I know I'm waking you up in the middle of the night but try and focus."

Rachel rubbed her eyes again and tried to wake herself up. She yawned a big yawn and when she opened her eyes, she saw clearly her boyfriend sitting on her bed, lopsided smile and all. Letting out a little yelp, she threw off her blankets, climbed onto her knees and threw herself at him - wrapping her arms around Finn's neck, planting small kisses on his cheek and neck.

Finn laughed as he breathed Rachel's shampoo in. He wrapped his hands around her little body and pulled her down so she was sitting on his lap. "That's better. Hey you."

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked, a bewildered expression on her face.

"Well, I wanted to surprise you, one, and two, like I said, I have good news." Finn said, rubbing a hand up and down Rachel's back. He kissed the tip of her nose and then leaned his forehead against hers. "I missed you so much."

"I was worried when you didn't call tonight." Rachel whispered. "I guess I can't be mad now."

"Well, I hope not." Finn laughed. "So, do you want to hear my news?"

"Can I kiss you properly first?" Rachel asked. Not waiting for an answer, she leaned in slowly until she felt his lips against hers and they met in a soft, sweet kiss. "I missed you." She murmured against his lips.

Finn pulled back slowly, using his fingertips to brush Rachel's hair away from her face. "You look beautiful."

Rachel let out a little laugh, ducking her head and peering up at Finn from under her long lashes. "Please, I look like a wild woman. Usually I get all dolled up if I know you're coming."

Finn shook his head and tightened his arms around her. "You're amazing Rach. You're so beautiful… and I've really been missing you" he said in a soft voice. Rachel nodded at the last part. "Which is why I need to tell you something."

"What?" Rachel whispered in anticipation.

A slow, lopsided grin worked its way onto Finn's face. "I'm transferring to Boston College next semester."

Rachel's jaw dropped and she let out a gasp. "No! Finn! Your scholarship!"

He let out a little laugh. "My scholarship" he paused "is coming with me. Between my 3.7 GPA last year at OSU and I guess I've been playing well enough… well BC is giving me a chance. It's all worked out. I'll start there in the spring and I'll play football next year!"

A moment passed, Rachel's jaw still dropped.

"We're going to be in the same city finally. And you can come to my games and I can come to your shows. We can go on real dates again and spend the nights together. Rach, this is a great thing. Aren't you happy baby?"

"I think I'm in shock." Rachel whispered. She looked Finn in the eye and took a deep breath. "What about your friends and everything in Ohio. Your mom, Burt. Are you sure you want to leave all that? A-a-and you always dreamed of playing football at Ohio State as a child."

"Rach, dreams change. Being with you is my biggest dream now." Finn whispered, placing a soft kiss to Rachel's lips. "I can't spend another 2 ½ years at a school so far away from you. I can play football anywhere. Hell, I could give up football all together if it meant we were closer. This distance thing has been torture. Besides, BC's great and I'm still getting a scholarship so my Mom's on board. Honestly, it couldn't have worked out better."

A wide smile overtook Rachel's face and she giggled. "So we just have to make it until January… and then we'll be together?"

"Forever Rach." Finn whispered.

"OH MY GOD!" Rachel squealed, jumping off of Finn's lap and hopping up and down in place.

"Rach!" Finn laughed. "Shhhh… Kurt – and your neighbors – are probably trying to sleep."

Rachel hopped up and down, dancing in a small circle. When she turned to face Finn, she clapped her hands twice, a huge smiling overtaking her face. "OH MY GOD" she let out in an exaggerated whisper causing Finn to laugh again.

"Come here." Finn said softly, reaching out and taking Rachel's hand and pulling her to stand between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She draped her arms around his neck and pushed her body flush against his. They stayed like that for a minute until he felt Rachel's shoulders shake in the way that the do when she cries. He pulled back a little to look at Rachel's face just as a few tears raced down her cheeks. "Rach, don't cry."

Rachel shook her head. "No it's okay. I'm just so happy." She took a deep breath. "It's just been so hard without you." She leaned her forehead against his and took another deep breath, steadying her voice. "I just love you… so much… it's just been so hard."

Finn nodded, rubbing small circles on Rachel's lower back. He brushed his lips over Rachel's softly and pulled back to look her in the eye. "For me too. I can't wait until I'm just across the city and can come over whenever I want to kiss you. Or see you. Or hold you. And we can study together." Rachel laughed. "Or not study together," Finn said with a wiggle of his eyebrows causing Rachel to laugh a little louder.

Rachel sniffled, wiping away the last of her tears. "Finn. I'm really, really happy," she whispered.

"Me too."

They sat in silence for a few moments, just holding each other until Finn said, "Let's get you back to bed."

Rachel nodded as Finn stood up and pulled the covers back for Rachel to climb into bed. Finn covered her up and kissed her gently on her forehead. He walked towards the door.

"Ww-wait! You're not going back to Ohio right now are you?" Rachel exclaimed.

Finn laughed. "Rachel! I'm just going to brush my teeth and put on my sweatpants. I'll be right back!"

Rachel smiled to herself as Finn walked out of her room. She turned on her side and glanced out the window at the bright lights of Boston staring back at her. She couldn't help but think that this city was about to get a whole lot better…

* * *

><p><em>More to come :-)<em>

_-Lu_


	2. Chapter 2

June 11, 2011

Finn slung his gym bag over his shoulder and walked out of the locker room. He had expected the school to be empty when he decided to head over and clean out his gym locker – it was Saturday after all and finals had ended yesterday. That was pretty much the reason he decided to head over today… he wasn't really in the mood to run into many people. So even though he had expected the school to be barren, it was still creeping him out just how quiet and empty the halls were.

He stopped outside the choir room to look at the trophy case's newest addition, the second place trophy from nationals the weekend before. Memories of New York flooded his brain... Artie getting violently sick on the flight to New York...Puck trying to sneak out of their room after Mr. Schue did his final rounds... Puck getting as far as the elevators two doors down before Miss Pillsbury busted him... all the guys (and Lauren...and Brittany) eating way too many sausages from the street vendors... the whole team sitting backstage in nervous silence for what seemed like an eternity backstage before it was their time to perform... Rachel being amazing and stealing the show... Rachel winning best soloist at the competition... Rachel looking more beautiful than ever with happy tears threatening to escape her eyes as she accepted her trophy...

Finn shook his head.

Always, his mind always wandered to Rachel. What was that?

It's probably because he's still crazy about her. It's probably because he'd do anything to be her boyfriend again. It's probably because it's killing him that they weren't together right that second...

It's not for a lack of trying. Because he's tried... many times. He broke up with Quinn a little over a month ago for a million reasons, primarily because she was awful to him and treated him like she was his owner - also, because she just wasn't Rachel...

He kind of just assumed that when he broke up with Quinn and apologized to Rachel, everything would be okay and she would be his girlfriend again. Instead, she had said something along the lines of she was flattered that he came crawling back to her but she wasn't ready to trust him as a boyfriend again yet. Which shocked him. Well, shocked and confused him because wasn't she the one who cheated on him and shouldn't he be the one wary of trusting her again? When he said that to her though, she had opened and closed her mouth a few times like she wanted to say something but forgot how to speak. Then she started blinking really fast like she might either have a rage blackout or start crying uncontrollably. She then sighed sadly and walked away from him. When she got to the door to the choir room though, she looked back at him and said that maybe when he was ready to understand her side of things and how she was feeling then maybe she'd be ready to consider him a "romantic interest" again.

So he kept trying.

He tried to win her back with flowers. She said maybe it would be best if they focus on just being friends for a while.

He tried to win her back by asking her to prom. She said maybe he should join her and the small group of glee singles going together. They danced awkwardly in a circle all night and any time a slow song came on and he asked her to dance, she'd say she needed to get a drink or go to the bathroom.

He tried to win her back by singing a song to her in glee. And he thought he made progress because her eyes were glistening and she smiled sweetly at him while he sang. And after glee practice when everyone else left, she approached him shyly and revealed that she was still in love with him "despite everything" but she was "broken." He didn't really know what she meant by that because she looked the same as she always did. Well, sure when she smiled it was rare that the smile reached her eyes like it did when they were together but he figured that was just because they weren't together.

Finn sighed and looked around. Somehow as he was scrambling in his dizzying maze of Rachel thoughts, he had left the trophy case and somehow made it all the way to the center of the football field. He laughed a little - thinking about and loving Rachel Berry was like that - all consuming, all powerful and capable of throwing you off your path before you even have a second to realize that it's happening.

He made his way to the sidelines and dropped his duffle bag on the ground before thumping down on one of the benches. He groaned as he slumped over, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his head hang in his hands. When did life get so messy and complicated? He was a teenager - wasn't high school supposed to be, like, the glory days or something. He just felt like all his glory days were passing him by.

All he knew was that in one moment, he and Rachel were crazy happy and confessing their love for each other and laughing and dancing like fools at his mom and Burt's wedding. The next moment his world was crashing in around him. He wished he could go back - back before he slept with Santana - back before he hurt Rachel bad enough that she went and fooled around with another dude - back when he could just hug and kiss Rachel anytime he wanted just because he was her boyfriend. He was stuck. He couldn't go back and he hadn't been smart enough or good enough with words or actions yet to be able to go forward with Rachel.

He wasn't sure how long he had been there on the bench before he heard the squeaky gate that separated the field from the bleachers open and close, but he figured if he kept his head down maybe whoever the person was would just go run laps - or just leave - allowing him to be alone with his thoughts. Even when he heard the soft shuffling of footsteps approaching him he didn't budge. Suddenly the shuffling stopped - right in front of him. With his head still down, he opened his eyes to see two tiny sandaled feet with bright pink toenails. Butterflies filled his stomach when he realized that he knew those tiny feet. Those were tiny Rachel feet.

Rachel squatted in front of him, resting her elbows on his knees to steady herself. She placed her chin on her interlocked hands and looked up to meet his downward glance. He allowed a small lopsided grin to take over his face.

"Hey you," she said softly.

All he wanted to do was kiss her senseless.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking," Finn said simply.

"Oh..."

"What are you doing here?"

"Well," Rachel started with a small smile. "My dads opened the pool yesterday and I invited everyone over for a little swim and barbeque. Well, you all can barbeque if you want since I'm sure you don't want my veggie burgers or veggie dogs."

Finn snorted. "Yeah. Definitely not. Umm... why are you here then?"

Rachel giggled. "To get you of course." Finn raised an eyebrow at her. "I called Kurt to invite him and he said you were here to clean out your locker. I called you twice but you didn't answer so I came to tell you about my get-together."

"My phone's in my car," Finn said simply.

"Oh," Rachel responded.

They sat in awkward silence for a moment and Finn decided he either act on his impulses and kiss her or say something. "So should we go?"

"Yeah! Well, I told everyone to come over in like two hours but that was an hour ago so yeah, we should go. You should go home and get your swim trunks. And then you'll come over?" Rachel asked with a question in her voice. Was he crazy to think it sounded a little like hope?

Rachel stood up in front of him then and he stood up quickly to follow. "Yeah, I'll be there in a little bit."

Rachel grinned brightly and turned to head towards the gate. Finn grabbed his bag and followed her, his longer strides making it so he caught up to her in no time. They walked in silence to the parking lot. When they reached Rachel's car, Finn opened the driver's side door and Rachel did this corny little curtsy thing with her skirt before she shuffled into the driver's seat. He let out a soft laugh - sometimes she was just so Rachel and just so adorable he couldn't stand it.

"So I'll see you in a little bit." Rachel said as she shut the door and rolled down the window. Finn gave her a small smile and nodded. She nodded back with a smile and drove away.

"I can't wait," Finn whispered.

* * *

><p>It was almost 2pm by the time Finn parked on the curb outside Rachel's house and as he exited his truck, he could hear music and laughter coming from the pool area. He grabbed his towel and the small bag of groceries that his mom had sent him over with and slammed the door shut. As he walked toward the gate to the backyard, he soaked in the familiarity of it all – he had spent nearly every day the summer before lounging in this pool, treating himself to a summer of Rachel Berry bikinis and nonalcoholic martinis. He stopped outside the gate, butterflies swarming his stomach and he considered turning around and going home. He wasn't sure how to be here, surrounded by the memories of sunbathing and stolen kisses, memories of getting to know each other and falling in love.<p>

He wasn't sure how to be here and not be Rachel's boyfriend.

He took a deep breath, opened the gate and made his way around the side of the house to the pool. As he rounded the corner he saw that most of the glee club members were already there. He thought it was pretty cool that they had sort of all become friends this past year. Sure, some of the relationships were still pretty strained but at least they could all be in the same place without a fight breaking out. Santana and Rachel were even sort of friendly with each other after the trip to New York. It was weird.

He made his way over to the small patio area, laughing as Sam flung himself into the pool cannon ball style, splashing a horrified Mercedes and Kurt. He spotted Tina and Mike sitting on the oversized steps in the shallow end. Brittany and Santana were lying on towels reading magazines in oversized sunglasses and teeny tiny bikinis. He made his way over to Puck and Artie who were talking to Blaine as he flipped burgers on the grill.

"Look who finally made it!" Puck yelled as Finn reached the group.

"Hey man," Blaine said, offering a handshake as he continued to man the grill.

"I can't believe Rachel's dads are letting you use the grill unsupervised," Finn laughed.

"They've been out a few times to make sure I haven't caught anything on fire but they've been pretty cool about it," Blaine explained.

"Where is…" Finn paused to look around for Rachel. "uh… everyone else?"

"Well Lauren's the only one not here but she should be here after her brother's graduation party," Puck said.

"Uh huh," Finn said as he glanced around again.

"You're pathetic. If you want to know where Rachel is, just ask," Puck said, slapping Finn on the back.

Before he could respond, he heard her unmistakable laugh and his eyes shot toward the sliding glass doors just as Rachel came bounding out, Quinn right behind her.

"Raspberry lemonade!" Rachel called out, holding up a pitcher, hopping down the steps and working her way toward the girls on the towels. Quinn followed closely with a stack of plastic cups.

Finn felt his jaw drop slightly at the sight of Rachel, staring from behind his sunglasses. Her long brown hair was wet and pulled back into a high pony tail. Her bangs were clipped back, revealing big brown eyes that were sparkling as she laughed with the ex-cheerios, something he never thought he would see happen so naturally. His eyes trailed down, taking in her modest (but perfect) chest wrapped in a green polka dot bikini top (a halter – she taught him that word last year), her toned abs, her firm round bottom hugged perfectly by her solid green bikini bottoms. He wondered if she picked that bikini today because she knew it was his favorite color. He shook the thought off as he continued admiring her body, watching the muscles of her legs contract and relax as she poured cups of lemonade and leaned down to hand them to the girls.

"Dude, seriously. Sunglasses only hide the fact that you're gawking if you're not drooling while you're doing it," Artie laughed.

"You're hilarious," Finn deadpanned as he watched as Rachel took the stack of cups from Quinn, making her way toward Mike and Tina. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair and looked away, instantly feeling his jaw clench when he realized that Puck had turned to check out Rachel at Artie's words.

"Hey!" Puck cried out as Finn slapped the back of his head. Finn raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry dude, she's a little hottie. Who knew all of that was hiding under her stupid clothes all this time?"

Finn rolled his eyes from behind his sunglasses but before he could spit out a comeback or call Puck a douche bag, he heard Rachel squeal his name. He looked up to see her practically skipping toward the patio.

"Hey you!" Rachel exclaimed as she gave him an awkward one arm hug, still holding the pitcher of lemonade. "Did you just get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago."

"Well put your stuff down and jump in! The water temperature is perfect today, just the way you like it!"

Finn smiled at Rachel. Other than the trip to New York the week before, he couldn't remember the last time Rachel looked so happy. Was it selfish that he felt a pang of jealousy that she was this happy without him and he was miserably longing for her?

"Oh yeah, my mom sent this stuff over. She said she put in those soda chips you like so much." Finn said, offering Rachel the bag of groceries as he took the pitcher of lemonade and put it on the table behind him.

Rachel looked confused as she peered into the bag, a smile slowly creeping up on her face and letting out a small giggle. "You mean soy chips Finn?"

"Oh! Yeah!" Finn shook his head. "Sorry."

Rachel put the bag down with another giggle and looked up at Finn. "I've been waiting for you to get here!"

Finn smiled, his stomach flipping. "Did you miss me?"

He saw Rachel's expression change just for a slight moment – if he wasn't so used to studying her he probably wouldn't have even noticed – before she said in a hushed whisper, "Of course." There was something in her eyes that he just couldn't read but before he had a chance to figure it out, she was smiling as she said, "And, I needed a partner for chicken! Come on!" She grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the pool. "Okay guys! We're ready!" Rachel exclaimed when they reached the side of the pool. She turned to face Finn. "Off with the shirt, let's go."

Finn laughed and lifted his shirt off and tossed it on the ground, dropping his sunglasses down on top of it and stepping out of his sandals. He turned back to face Rachel and smirked when he caught her checking him out. He smiled as she met his eyes, a shy blush taking over her cheeks.

"So, uh, you want to go in?" Rachel asked, waving her hand toward the pool. "Mike and Tina were talking so much bologna earlier, I'm just dying to beat them!"

Finn stepped to the edge of the pool and dipped his foot down into the water. "Of course Rach, just give me a minute to get in and adjust and we'll kick their butts, " he said with a wink.

Finn glanced at Rachel and noticed as the small smile on her face gradually grew into a bigger one. "What?" He asked but Rachel just wiggled her eyebrows up and down at him. He laughed and turned back to the pool. Seconds later, he heard her giggle and felt her small hands push against his back. He wavered slightly, but steadied himself. He turned to her, a mischievous and somewhat shocked expression dancing off her face. "Did you just try and push me into the pool? Seriously Rach? Did you really think you could budge me?"

She shrugged, smiling widely and he thought in that moment she was so damn beautiful, he could spend every day falling in love with her again and again. He shook his head, laughing a little as pulled her towards him and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He leaned his head on top of her head and whispered, "Well, you're in trouble now, Missy." Swiftly, he scooped her up in his arms, a little squeal escaping her lips as he held her over the edge of the pool, her body shaking with laughter.

"FINN! NO!" Rachel shrieked between giggles.

"Apologize for trying to push me in."

"I'm SORRY! PUT ME DOWN!" Rachel screamed, squirming in his arms.

"Keep squirming and I'll drop you in the water." Finn said, bending a little and dangling Rachel further out above the water, making Rachel squeal again.

"Finn Hudson! You wouldn't dare!" Rachel exclaimed, raising her eyebrows at him.

"I wouldn't dare?" Finn taunted. Rachel bit her lip, pleading to him with her eyes. Finn smiled at her sweetly – right before he tossed her into the water. When she emerged from the water, she shot him a glare that he thought might make his heart stop, followed by a gleeful squeal and laughter which made his heart race.

"Finn Hudson! Get in here right now or else!" Rachel exclaimed, splashing water at him. Finn smiled down at the girl splashing in the water and jumped in next to her. "Alright guys! Finn's here! Let's play chicken!" Rachel yelled, winking at Finn and splashing him again.

* * *

><p>Hours passed and countless games of chicken (which he and Rachel dominated, naturally) later, people had slowly trickled out until it was just him, Rachel, Kurt and Blaine laying on lounge chairs in the early evening.<p>

The sliding glass door on the patio opened and one of Rachel's fathers poked his head out. "Rachel, sweetie! Your father and I are heading to dinner and then we're going to the movies. We'll be home around midnight. You guys can swim until dark, carefully, no horsing around, and no more grilling when we're not home."

"Okay Daddy." Rachel called back with a wave. "Have fun!" Rachel's dad nodded his head in their direction and retreated back into the house.

"Well we should get going. We are having dinner with some of the guys from Dalton in about an hour," Kurt said, pulling on his shirt and standing up.

"Rachel, are you sure you don't want any help cleaning up before we head out?" Blaine asked.

"Oh please, no! You already did enough by cleaning the grill. I can take care of few plastic cups and plates. Go on, have fun! And tell them Finn and I said hi!" Rachel exclaimed. Finn swallowed hard, loving the way "Finn and I" so easily rolled off Rachel's tongue.

"Alright Miss Diva. Thanks for having us. We'll be back soon for more glamour time in the sun." Kurt said, kissing Rachel's cheek.

"Finn, you have your truck to get home?" Blaine asked. Finn nodded. "Cool. Alright guys, see you later!"

As Blaine and Kurt walked away, Finn glanced over at Rachel laying in the chair next to him, her legs bent slightly, her hands resting on the chair above her head. The sun was just starting to set and in the early evening light, she looked like a goddess.

The corners of Rachel's mouth turned up slowly into a small smile. "Are you staring at me mister?"

Finn felt himself blush, those darn butterflies rushing his stomach again. He let out a nervous laugh. "Uh. Yeah. Sorry. You just look really pretty."

Rachel glanced over at him, blushing. She whispered a thank you, ducking her head shyly.

They continued laying on the lounge chairs in comfortable silence. Finn opened his eyes after a little while passed, noticing dark clouds starting to take over the sky. "Hey Rach."

"Mmmm?"

"I think it might rain," Finn stated, sitting up. "Want me to help you clean up so we can head inside?"

Rachel opened her eyes and looked around. "Honestly Finn, I don't want to move. Besides, it's just a little cloudy, we'll be fine. It's just so beautiful out here, I love the begining of summer."

"Okay," Finn responded hesitantly.

"Unless you have to go." Rachel said, a question in her voice.

"No, I don't have anything else going on, I'm good right here."

"Good."

Finn relaxed, laying back on his chair, turning his head to the side slightly to steal a glance at Rachel. How many times last year had he found himself in this same position - stealing glances at Rachel in her bikini. Of course, last year stealing glances usually lead to stealing kisses. It had been so long since the last time they kissed, Finn was afraid that he might forget the feel of her soft lips. He sighed, longing for the girl just inches away from him.

"Rach."

"Mmmmhmmm?"

"I had a lot of fun today. With you." Finn said softly.

Rachel opened her eyes and turned her head towards him. She smiled a little and replied, "I had fun too."

Finn took a deep breath before he softly asked, "Do you miss me Rach?"

Finn noticed Rachel's eyes instantly mist over and she nodded just slightly enough that he caught it. "All the time," she whispered as she looked down at her hands in her lap.

He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like it was now or never - it was time to get her back.

He sat up swiftly, swinging his legs over the side of his chair so he was facing Rachel. He reached over and took one of her hands into both of his, engulfing it and not missing the fact that it was shaking slightly. "Rach," he said softly. When she didn't look up or answer him, he continued anyway, "did you mean what you said the other day when you said you still loved me?"

Rachel looked up and turned her head to Finn, her eyes glistening with tears threatening to spill at any minute. She took a deep breath, nodded and whispered a "Yes" so soft, it could've been the breeze.

"Rach, I still love you. So much. Why can't we just be together again?" Finn asked with urgency in his voice.

"Finn, you still don't get it!" Rachel exclaimed, jerking her hand out of his and swinging her legs over the side of her chair, sitting up and turning away from Finn. "It's not that easy."

"Maybe I don't get it!" Finn yelled, startling Rachel. He stood up and walked quickly so that he was standing in front of her. "You need to explain it to me then. Explain to me why we can't be together when we are still so obviously perfect for each other."

"Because I'm hurt, Finn." Rachel hissed, looking up at him with a mixture of fear, sadness and anger in her eyes.

"Rach, I apologized, like, a million times for the Santana thing," Finn said, kneeling in front of Rachel, placing his hands on her knees. "I know I did a bad thing by lying to you about it and I know that it really hurt your feelings. But back then, you were begging me to take you back when I was still mad about the Puck thing. But I forgive you. I forgave you a while ago and I don't understand what changed and why you're so unwilling to be with me now."

Rachel looked at him for a minute, his eyes searching her face frantically for an answer. She closed her eyes and said softly, "What changed was that instead of trying to work through our problems together, you dumped me. What changed," Rachel continued, opening her eyes, her voice rising slightly, "was you running away from me, ignoring me whenever I tried to talk to you, tried to fix us. What changed, Finn," Rachel spat out bitterly, her voice rising again, "was that you started dating Quinn." Tears trickled from the corners of her eyes and she stood up, taking a few steps away from where he stayed kneeling on the ground.

With her back to him, she spoke so softly that he had to strain to hear her, "You were _so_ angry, _so_ hurt by me cheating on you. So hurt that you couldn't forgive me, couldn't speak to me. I know what I did was awful, I know. But I was honest with you and so, so sorry. But you just couldn't forgive me." She took a deep breath, her body shaking involuntarily. "So I gave you space, thinking maybe once you had some time, you'd be willing to forgive me."

She turned slowly toward him, tears rolling freely down her face. "Do you even know how bad it hurt when I found out you were dating Quinn again? Someone who not only cheated on you, more intimately than I did, but lied to you about it for so long, deceived you into thinking you were fathering someone else's child?" She wiped at the her eyes, then looked hotly into Finn's wide eyes as she said, "Honestly Finn, how dare you chastise me, punish me for cheating on you but then go running back to the girl who did it first and shoving it in my face."

Finn stood up and closed the gap between him and Rachel. He placed his hands on her shoulders, ducking his head down to meet her eyes with his. "Rachel, I shouldn't have started dating Quinn again. But I broke up with her because I want to be with you. You're who I belong with."

Rachel shook his hands off her shoulders and walked away, stomping up the steps of the patio and turning back toward him. "For how long, Finn? How long this time?"

Finn stepped towards her, shaking his head, "I don't understand Rachel."

"Look, Finn, I would never do something as stupid as kiss Puck again." Rachel breathed in deep, exhaling loudly and when she spoke again, her voice was shaking between silent sobs. "But I'm not perfect Finn. Eventually, I'm going to mess something up. We're going to have fights, everyone does. But I can't be in a relationship with you, I can't love you as much as I love you and invest everything into you if you're just going to go running into your first love's arms whenever we hit a bump in our relationship." Rachel sniffled loudly, wiping the backs of her hands across her eyes trying to compose herself.

"Finn, not being with you is extremely hard for me. But it doesn't even compare to how hard it is to lose you after I know how amazing it is to have you." She started walking towards the glass doors to her house. She slowly opened the door and let herself inside, look at Finn over her shoulder as she said, "I just can't do it again. I'm not strong enough to do this all again if I'm just going to wind up with another broken heart."

And with that, Rachel shut the door.

* * *

><p>Somewhere along his trip home, it had started raining. Not like, a soft drizzle or even the slow steady rain that he loved as a child. No, this was heavy, HEAVY pelting down on your windshield rain, the type of rain that your windshield wipers can't quite keep up with. Visibility was crap already, so it definitely didn't help that he had been crying since the second he got into his truck and drove away from Rachel's house.<p>

Between the night visibility, the rain and his tears, he decided if he didn't want to kill himself or anyone else, he should probably pull over. He stopped his truck on a quiet side street. He let out a loud groan and pounded the palms of his hands against the steering wheel twice in frustration. He closed his eyes and rested his head down on the steering wheel, allowing his body to shake with his uncontrollable tears.

Why was everything so fucked up?

He had no idea what to do with Rachel. He couldn't be with her but he didn't know how to be without her anymore. He hastily unbuckled his seatbelt and fumbled with the doorknob before he was able to pry it open, letting his body tumble out of his truck clumsily. He left the door open and walked to the front of his truck, kicking the front tire on his way. He stood in front of his truck, lifting his arms out to the sides, palms up to the sky. He tilted his head up, his face getting pelted by large, cold raindrops.

Then he screamed.

He screamed for what he had, he screamed for what he messed up, he screamed for what he was missing right now.

He felt like scum, like an idiot scum bag. He had known Rachel would be upset when he started dating Quinn – that's why he kept it a secret for a while. But he never thought it would have affected her like this. He didn't understand how anything he did could break down someone who was as strong as Rachel.

Who knew the only thing strong enough to break Rachel Berry… was love.

Love.

Rachel.

Love.

Rachel.

The words danced around in Finn's head, making him dizzy and then suddenly, he was back in his truck, slamming the door and thrusting the vehicle into drive. He wiped his eyes with one hand, and then briskly fastened his seatbelt when he reached the stop sign. He performed a sharp U-turn and started back towards Rachel's house.

Finn was the first to admit that it sometimes took him longer than others to catch onto things or to really "get it." Especially with Rachel. He always needed extra time to see what was right in front of him. But he saw it now and he had to make sure she saw it too.

Before he knew it, he was pulling into Rachel's driveway. He parked and shut his truck off in a flurry, leaving his keys in the ignition and jumping out of drivers' side. He slammed the door shut and sprinted across the grass to Rachel's front door. He took a deep breath and knocked loudly. He fidgeted on the stoop, shifting his weight back and forth on his feet, sighing loudly when Rachel didn't answer right away. He was just about to knock again when the door opened, Rachel's bloodshot eyes meeting his immediately.

"Rachel!" Finn exclaimed.

"Finn," Rachel started, startle in her voice as she opened the screen door a little, "you're soaked! What happened?"

"Rachel, I've been so, so stupid! Throughout our entire relationship, anytime I've gotten scared or overwhelmed or hurt, I've taken the easy way out. And I'm so sorry." Finn started, his voice shaking.

"Finn, come inside," Rachel said, opening the screen door wider to him.

"Rachel, you have to let me get this out. I'm… I'm terrible with words and feelings and we both know it usually takes me a long time to get it right when I'm trying to figure out what I need to say. But what I need to say is that I need you, Rachel. I need you." Finn pleaded.

"Finn…" Rachel looked down at her feet.

"No. Listen. I need you. Because you're right. I don't get it. And I'll never get it if I'm not with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I've been such an idiot letting my fear and my pain getting in the way. You're right, I run. I run when I get hurt or when I am upset. But Rach, I'm so tired of running away. I want to run to. I want to run to you. And I need you to be there for me. I need you." Finn choked on the last word, tears starting to run down his face. "I need you Rachel. I'm not perfect either, not even close. But if you promise not to give up on me, I promise not to give up on you and it doesn't matter what happens along the way. We'll work it out. Together. From now on."

Rachel shook her head.

"Rachel, you have to believe me. Believe in me. At least give me the chance to show you. You're the only girl for me, the only girl I want to be with. Rachel, sweetie, please," Finn pleaded. "Give me another shot. I want to make it up to you. I need you, Rachel."

Rachel looked up at Finn's face, a mixture of rain and tears dripping down his squinting eyes, down his nose and falling onto his lips. She felt tears starting to roll down her cheeks and she felt a sudden urge to touch him, to give in to the longing in her heart. She stepped out onto the steps with Finn, immediately getting soaked in the rain. She stepped closer, taking one of his hands in hers, looking up at him.

"Finn…"

Finn took his free hand and brushed Rachel's wet bangs back from her forehead, resting his hand against her cheek. She instinctively leaned into his touch. "Rachel. I know this is it for me. You're it for me. There's nothing else out there. I want you. I love you."

"How do you know?" Rachel whispered, her eyes closed.

"Because… when I was with Quinn, it never felt right. I got butterflies but not like happy Rachel butterflies, weird squirmy butterflies. And because I'm stupid, it took me until I was driving home just now to figure it all out. Quinn used to always say that the reason we had gotten back together was because we were each other's first loves and first loves are forever." Finn started.

"Finn, why are you telling me this?" Rachel asked, letting go of Finn's hand and taking a step away from his reach, looking down at the ground.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer so that only a few inches separated them. He ran one hand up her right arm, lightly hold onto her upper arm as he ran the other hand over her cheek, resting it under her chin to bring her gaze up to meet his.

"Because Rachel, the reason I had weird squirmy uncomfortable butterflies, the reason my relationship with Quinn didn't sit well and didn't work out…" He took a deep sigh. "It was because she was my first girlfriend. You, Rachel, are my first love." He released her hand, bringing his hand up to brush her cheek, brushing his thumb across her slightly parted lips gently as she gasped.

"You are my first love. You are the only girl I've ever loved and honestly, you're the only person I want to love. When I say I need you, I need you because you're what makes everything okay. Rach, my heart is empty without you and I can't do it anymore." Finn breathed out, leaning down and resting his forehead against hers, his lips brushing her nose in passing. "I can't do it anymore," he whispered.

Rachel wrapped her hands around his wrists, his hands still cradling her face and she pulled back slightly to meet his eyes. "I... I'm scared," she whispered.

He took a step closer, closing the gap between them. He bent down slightly, bringing his face a whisper away from hers. "I know."

She closed her eyes and nodded slightly, leaning forward just barely enough for her lips to graze his briefly.

Finn wrapped an arm around her, drawing her flush against his body, snaking his other arm up to tangle in her wet hair, cradling her head gently. He gazed deeply in her eyes and smiled softly, leaning forward then to rub his cheek gently against hers. He felt her breathing becoming slightly more rapid and irregular and he placed a soft kiss to the side of her neck.

Another to the other side of her neck.

Another to her nose.

One to each of her closed eye lids.

Before he captured her lips with his lips, softly at first. He felt her sigh softly against his lips, bring her arms up to wrap around his neck and pulling him closer to her. He tightened his grip around her body, pressing his lips onto hers again, needy and urgently, her lips mirroring his perfect. He had missed the feel of her lips and having them pressed against his ignited something inside of him – he felt alive, whole again. He pulled back slowly, peppering her lips with barely there kisses before he opened his eyes to meet hers.

"I love you Rachel."

Rachel sighed and nodded, a larger than life smile taking over her face as she unhooked her arms from around his neck, allowing herself to fall against his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso and burying her face in his wet shirt. "I know Finn. I love you. It's always been you."

"It will always be you," Finn whispered. "Always."

* * *

><p><em>I had to rewrite this chapter three times due to technical difficulties and stupid human error. Hope it was worth the wait and hopefully, it made sense… by the third time writing it, I'm sure things got repeated or I forgot things that were originally supposed to be there. Whatever, I just hope you read it and liked it!<em>

_Thanks for the love on the last chapter guys! I never expected so many people to add me to their alerts and to their favorites!_

_And thanks GeeyGleek for pointing out the error in my math in my first chapter – even though I counted it out multiple times before I wrote it, I still managed to get it wrong ;) I fixed it though so time wise, it should all make sense now…_

_So where to go from here? Future Finchel? Baby? Proposal? High school fluff? Thoughts? _

_Xoxo  
>-Lu<em>


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